she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
