Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
