u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
