Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
no, he came in my armpit
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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