i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
