if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
