Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
