So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
