Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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