whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Randomize
