We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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