i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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