I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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