The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
