i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
