her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
