I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
