She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
