My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
