ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
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