Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
