Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
