she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
