I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
