I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
