Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
