are you still at the devil's house?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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