sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
