I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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