Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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