Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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