I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
