if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
