I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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