i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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