How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
