I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
