I should be sponsored by Trojan
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
