I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
