How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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