pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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