On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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