I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
