Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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