IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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