when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
