if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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