Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
