You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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