Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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