Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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