Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
